A couple of months ago, I came across a Facebook post from one of my old acquaintances, which talked about how it was her ONE MONTH wedding anniversary, and went on to thank her husband for making it feel like magic and fairytale and then 24 hours into it, it was filled by the customary one thousand two hundred twenty eight comments of “MAY GOD BLESS YOU TWO”.
I mean, yeah, we get it, you are happy and it’s amazing that you are and we saw that from the one two hundred pictures that you put up right from where Make up by Someone dolled you up, to your sad-face Bidaai pictures, to your different dress-Walima pictures to your honeymoon in Gulmarg pictures, each accompanied with a post on how blessed and happy you are! We get it. Trust me. And honestly wish you the best of everything. But I don’t understand why we need to see all of that? That it’s your first wedding anniversary and you’ve had a joyful time and you want to thank Allah for giving you that? I mean, what sense does it make thanking Allah on Facebook? Last time I checked, we had namaz solely dedicated to that.
A marriage is a bond, that is no doubt one of the most beautiful relationships that everyone is going to ever have, but it’s a private bond. Something you share intimately with this one person who not only completes half of your Deen but gives a whole new dimension to your life. It is the only relationship in your life, that’s only and only yours. You share the same friends with people, your parents with your siblings, but your life partner is yours and yours alone. Well, mostly, at least!
Surely that says a lot on how personal, intimate and private this bond is. If you want him to know that you love him, show it to him, treat him that way, respect him for who he is, don’t make crazy shopping demands, be his confidante and friend, but where’s the sense in screaming it from rooftops? (Which essentially posting it on Facebook amounts to!)
Because if I understand correctly, Islam strictly prohibits show off, but talks of having love for one’s partner as MEANING it, not SHOWING IT OFF. And there’s clearly a big difference!
Same goes for men as well. If you really love your wife, and want to thank her for being a good wife, why not help her with housework sometimes? Or taking care of the baby for once, instead of telling the people from your school, college and workplace, how lucky you are, on Facebook!
Sometimes I really feel indebted to the person who came up with the 140 character limit for Twitter. Surely he/she must’ve seen this coming. And how I thank God for Twitter!
I understand that we as humans, when we are happy, we feel naturally inclined towards sharing our happiness with people and that’s great. But shouldn’t that sharing be limited to people you actually care about, your family, your friends, and not some 500 odd people on your Friends list that I’m sure includes people you have never even seen in real life.
Facebook initially came up as a dating site, but then shifted to a platform where long lost people from school or college could keep in touch, and so I’m sure the purpose of Facebook was not telling those long lost people from school or college who knew you like 40 years ago, that how much your husband loves you and how amazing your marriage is, because:
a) They frankly don’t care. The people who care are the ones who were with you the time you got married, had a baby, and surely they don’t need Facebook to tell them that you are happy.
b) You are generating envy in some potential half a thousand women who will then gush about how wonderful your husband is, to their own husbands, make endless comparisons, based on a Facebook post, and make their own marriage unhappy.
c) Have you heard of a concept called as “Nazar”? It is a valid concept, with substantial proof, so why would you risk the most important things in your life by attracting the evil eye?
d) The most important one. While you post statuses and pictures on how happy and amazing your marriage is, and how your baby is the most beautiful baby in the world and has made your life complete, there are girls out there who are finding it difficult to find a perfect match, childless couples who are desperate for happiness, divorced young men or women, people who’s spouses have sadly passed away, all facing social stigma because of their respective problems, and there you are, just making it worse. How different are you than a person who intentionally flaunts her husband to a girl who cannot marry because of certain reasons? Or someone who tells a woman who has lost her husband, that “czhe chakh baddkismat?” Coz aren’t you inadvertently telling her the same thing? Reiterating it?
Our Prophet Muhammad, Peace Be Upon Him also showed love to his wives, he joked with them, understood them, consulted them, took their advice, did his own work so as to not burden them, made them feel special not by telling random people that he loved them, but by actually loving them and meaning it. Helping them with housework, praising them, laughing with them, playing with them, caring about them was his way of showing love. And isn’t that the most beautiful thing.
Sadly, we live in a time where if a girl doesn’t talk about how happy she is after getting married on Facebook, we think something is not quite right. Or does not upload selfies with her husband means that she is miserable and sad. Well maybe she doesn’t see the point of saying I love you to her husband on Facebook, you know people can actually do that in person? And that is normal.
Because Facebook PDA may go a long way in making a beautiful Timeline, but it certainly needs a lot more than that to make a beautiful marriage.
Disclaimer: 1) To all the people who after reading this think that this is about them,
Yes. IT IS ABOUT YOU.
2) I truly stand by making your marriage a private affair, but I am also known for writing Hallmark posts for friends, so if you don’t see a post, profusely declaring love for a guy from me for the next sixty odd years, don’t think I did not get married. I just didn’t invite you to my wedding. Sorry.